How many times have you felt that sickening pit in your stomach as someone you cared about walked away? Maybe they were ending a “discussion” you hadn’t finished. Maybe they were taking a break as you tried to draw closer. Maybe they were calling it quits even as you begged them to try once more. Maybe they were leaving for someone else.
It’s a feeling none of us should have to know. But it’s a feeling most of us know all too well.
If only we could reach an age when we wouldn’t have to go through the trauma anymore. But as long as there are relationships, there will be sickening pits to go with them.
Misunderstandings. Fights. Breakups. And severely wounded hearts.
Most of the time, the pit quickly turns into doubt and regret. And one simple question: What’s wrong with me? Maybe it’s because we’ve been conditioned all of our life to believe that when things go wrong, it’s our fault. Maybe the person we love has told us we’re the one to blame. But it takes two to tango. Generally there is miscommunication on both sides and wounds from the past in both hearts that flare up and ignite the situation. Things escalate. We add to it by what we say or don’t say.
But that doesn’t mean we should shoulder the blame alone.
And regardless of who started what, here’s truth about the core of who you are: There’s nothing wrong with you. You are a daughter of the Most High God. You deserve love and adoration. You do not deserve to be used, abused, or taken advantage of. You deserve respect and honesty. We all do.
Yes, we all have our hang-ups. We all have things we need to give up or start doing. We all have a lot of room for improvement. But so does the other person in our life. Things aren’t failing because of us. Unfortunately, it’s hard for us to step back and see the big picture. I wish we could see ourselves the way God sees us. Our viewpoint is so small, and most of it is focused on what we’ve done wrong, and what we can’t seem to offer that the other person says they want. It’s heart breaking. We need to be loved. We’re willing to do just about anything for it. And so we sell ourselves short and often push the other person away because we put them on a pedestal. It’s as if we look to them as our savior. The one who will bring joy and love to our life. But the reality is that they’re only human. They can’t fill the shoes of a savior, even if that’s the role they want to play. And when they leave, whether temporarily or forever, we’re devastated. And we’re left wondering, “What’s wrong with me?” They were so good. We must be the one with the fatal flaw.
My friend, if you’re in this place today, I’m sharing tears with you. I hurt for you. I know how you feel. Your pain is my pain as we sit together and cry. Oh how I wish I could promise that tomorrow would bring word of new hope for your relationship. I can’t promise that. But what I can promise is that you don’t have to go through this alone. I’m here to talk and pray with you. Or you can open up to a trusted friend and ask them to listen and then pray for you. One of the hardest parts of any situation that causes the sickening pit in our stomach is that we feel completely isolated and unable to share it with others. Please confide in someone. Let them sit with you and hold the Kleenex box as long as you need it.
Another promise I can make: You do have a Savior who wants to bring joy and love into your life. Jesus. This isn’t canned “Christian ease”. This is truth I’ve learned by living through decades of heart wounds. True joy is only found in Jesus. He is the only person who will never leave us, never turn on us, and never change. We may not always be able to see how He’s working in our situation. We may get to the end of our rope and be ready to let go. But hold on another day. Call to Him with a sincere desire to hear Him reply. And let Him, instead of someone else, take His rightful place on the throne of your heart.
One final thought for anyone in a loving relationship that has the occasional pit. Please let mercy reign in your heart and shower it on the one you love today. Life is too short. You have a special gift that so many others long for. Don’t let any miscommunication or heated words put a brick in the wall between you and your love. Tear down the wall before the sun sets. And may your special someone know what a blessing they are to you.
“Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5
May I pray?
Jesus, so many of us have felt the sickening pit of a break in relationship with someone we truly care about. Some of us are carrying that pain today. Lord, please touch our wounded hearts with Your hand of peace and healing. Even in our darkest moments, when we feel alone and afraid, please let us see You. Let us feel Your presence and know that You care. You too were abandoned and betrayed by the ones You loved before You went to the cross. You lived the pain of heartbreak. Comfort us as only You can. Amen.
Q4U: How can I pray for you today?