What’s your greatest desire? When I think about what girls want the first thing that comes to mind is the Cyndi Lauper song Girls Just Want To Have Fun (also remade by Miley Cyrus–who knew?). According to the song, that’s all we really want. Fun.

There was a time back in the day when I might have agreed. The problem with fun is that it doesn’t last. And it doesn’t truly satisfy our intense longing for meaningful connection.

No, girls don’t just want to have fun. Our deepest desire consuming our soul is to be genuinely loved.

We crave love. We pursue it with passion. We’d give up almost anything for a chance at true love. And many of us give ourselves away, time and time again, hoping that this time it’s for real. Or hoping to dull the pain because we know it’s not.

Bad relationship after bad relationship we wonder, “What’s wrong with me?” Or “I have so much love to give. Why can’t someone just love me for who I am?” And it’s true. We do have so much love to give. But it’s almost like we’re wearing a blindfold as we jump into each new relationship. We hear a few surface level confirmations about who this next guy is and we’re ready to throw caution to the wind. We don’t even try to lift the veil and see him live out his life on a daily basis. How different would it be if we spent the time really getting to know him before we started dating?

What if we removed our blindfold and searched for clues of who he is on the inside?

We cannot change people. We cannot expect them to change. If they aren’t walking the path we want to walk, in every respect, then we shouldn’t be camping out with them. The further down the road we go and the more time we spend together, the harder it will be to end it. And the more likely that we’ll be hurt.

I talk to so many girls who know they’re in the wrong relationship and yet they won’t move on. Why? Because they’re afraid to be alone.

Someone’s done a number on us. Someone’s saturated us in lies. Someone’s convinced us that we’re weak. Someone’s sold us on the idea that we can’t have a joyful life unless we’re tied to another. So we tie ourselves over and over, to this person and that. And pretty soon we’re so tied up in knots that we’ve lost the joy and freedom that comes from living in truth.

Please hear my heart on this. I fully believe that sharing life with a true partner in life is one of the greatest gifts we can ever receive. Finding someone who’s ready for adventure and willing to hold on at all costs is like finding hidden treasure.

But I also believe that it is better to be in no dating relationship than the wrong relationship.

I admit I never wanted to be alone for the first 35 years of my life. But spend time in the deep pits of real life, wallowing in the mud with pigs and swine, and you’ll know where I’m coming from. My perspective has changed completely.

We have to protect our hearts. Wounds are continually inflicted by people who don’t truly care about nurturing our love. And if we’re not careful, we can be so scarred by broken heart after broken heart that we eventually lock our heart away. We may still pursue relationships, but we never allow ourselves to open up to love again.

Girls, we’re not weak. We’re not fragile. But our hearts are delicate. Like flowers. And we need TLC. We need to be watered with genuine love so we don’t wilt. We need to protect our hearts from pests and vermin. We need to fertilize our hearts with God’s truth, hope and joy. If we do, our hearts will blossom like never before.

And our life will be a fragrant garden overflowing with beauty.

“Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” Proverbs 4:23

May I pray?

Heavenly Father, it’s true we like to have fun. But often we’re masking the hurt and emptiness we feel inside. Most of us desperately want to be loved for who we are. Lord, for those of us who have someone special in our lives, be the glue that binds us with that person in truth and love. For those of us who don’t have someone special, open our eyes and protect us from getting tied in knots and giving ourselves away for anything less than the beautiful gift You have planned for us. And for those of us who know we’re in a wrong relationship, Father please give us the strength today to guard our heart, turn away from fear, and walk boldly to You. Amen.

Q4U: What would you say is your greatest desire and why?